Dolly makes me laugh every time I listen to her! She's so fiesty and southern and she just doesn't care what anyone thinks. I think we all love her for that. I heard her say those words today from a live show that came up on my Dolly radio station. I laughed so hard and my toddlers were so confused, they started laughing. Then, it got me to thinking...
If you are married for any length of time, whether it be 2 months or 40 years, there are going to be rough patches. We've definitely had our fair share. My husband and I never argued before we got married, but afterward that changed. We didn't honestly know where to begin to fix things.
Most of what happens in marriages, as long as there's no divorceable issues (abuse, adultery, etc.) comes down to communication and in order to communicate you have to spend quiet time together. The TV needs to be off, cell phones put away and any other distraction gone. I think for a lot of us this is hard not only to pull ourselves away from daily activities and the kids, but to be able to just BE with our significant other. We get so busy with everything else that just BEING is a lost art for us as couples. Sometimes that communication doesn't even have to be spoken, just felt. Somewhere along the way though it's lost and all of a sudden you don't fell like you know each other or how you got there. It all happened so fast...or did it?
One day, I went searching for some answers. Be prepared to laugh, because I sure did. I typed, "questions to ask before marriage." Whaaattt? Yes you read right, but we were 8 years in! This is where my head and heart took me though. I thought there had to be something we missed maybe at the beginning. Most of the questions were the generic, "How many kids do you want" and so on. Very lame really. As I was scanning my results, a blog caught my eye. House of Doig has a blog post called 50 Conversations to Have Before You Get Married. Now these were some questions I'd never thought of. I give Jessica Doig major props on this! These questions are amazing! There were still some basic questions on there, but there were some whoppers that really opened up communications on a whole other level. These questions must be answered by both sides.
My favorites:
* What are the most important/memorable parts of your childhood? She also asks that you both talk about first, favorite and most painful memories, things you remember most vividly and the things you don't like to remember.
*How did your parents argue and fight?
*Who has a lot of influence on you? Who has the ability to change your mind? Who influences the way you think?
* How do you tend to try and hurt others when you feel hurt? There's more to this on her blog and it needs to be read in its entirety.
* What makes you feel loved by others? This is a fabulous question for people who can't vocalized or figure out how to tell you their love language. Works like a charm!
* How do you show others love?
* How do you see yourself? What do you dislike about yourself? What do you most value in yourself?
* Can you imagine yourself married to anyone but me?
* What is your deepest desire?
*What is your deepest fear? This is a huge one! Fear is something that controls a lot of us and it needs to be dealt with. You may be surprised to find your are afraid of the exact same thing!
The thing about these is that not only should they be asked before marriage, but after as well. Our lives are constantly changing. People also grow at different intervals. Being on the same page all the time is hard and if we aren't discussing it and acknowledging it, it's bound to create problems. Check out her blog and if needed, discuss these questions with one another. I think we were surprised and you might be too. Thank you Jessica Doig for sharing!
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